Meh.

I think I have reached that point of this deployment (see graph in a previous post) where I've about just lost it and am over it and want it to be done. Now.


I'm soooo over it. We are just shy of 90 days out. In the home stretch! I should be rallying and pushing through with confidence. But, I feel like I'm crumbling. And it makes me feel like a crappy, lazy mom, and then the mommy guilt sets in, and it's this vicious cycle of tiredness and doubt.


Everyone keeps telling me it's time for Mini Sarge to go to hourly care a few hours a week, or to drop him off at someone's for a while and take some time for myself. I appreciate the thought, but I really don't think that's going to recharge my battery. I just need my other half here. I don't even really need help with the kid duties... I just want him home so I can have some adult conversation, and someone to give me a hug, and someone to sit and watch a movie with after Mini Sarge goes to sleep. 
And, ya know, a trip to Target without kid and diaper bag in tow every once and a while. ;)


Bleh. I talked to Sarge about it last night a bit, but I got kinda upset. I can't even get out of bed in the morning before 8--he wakes up at 7 or so. And I feel bad that he's in there close to an hour every morning before I can peel myself off my pillow. I've tried and tried to get out of bed, but there is just no doing it. It's really strange, because for years, I used to get up between 3:30 and 4 am, jump out of bed, get ready, and go to work like it wasn't a big deal. Now, I can't even get up at 6 or 6:30 so I can get a workout in. How does that make sense?
And there are milestones he hasn't hit yet, that he probably should have already. And, for the most part, I know it's my fault for not working with him more (we don't point, clap, or wave yet. But he can put on his sunglasses, lol. That counts for something, right?).
I just feel so... lazy. I don't want to be a lazy mommy. :(