I feel so stupid. Why does the thought of me dropping Mini-Sarge off at daycare so I can make a doctor's appointment for myself make me want to cry? I'm already stubborn enough as is it when it comes to going to the doctor, add in having to schedule him in at hourly care/finding a sitter, and you might as well fuhgeddaboudit.
I really can't explain it. It makes sense, to just schedule the appointment, get him a slot in daycare, go to my appointment, and carry on. But I don't know if I can leave him there. It's hard enough to leave him with a friend. I wonder if I would feel better if I hired a sitter for a few hours, so he could at least be in his own house.
That's even more ridiculous, isn't it? lol
I wish he was super easy and would sit there and be quiet, and he could just come with me. :(
Why does being a mommy have to be so hard? I wish I got along with my mom and she lived in the area. Or maybe if my mother-in-law lived in the area. Or I had friends w/o kids that I trusted to come over. Have plenty of friends with kids... but, I feel bad pushing another on them, lol.
Hating this. :/ It's stupid that I can deal with my husband being away and all sorts of other crazy crap that drives people nuts, but I can't stand the thought of daycare for a few hours. There must be something wrong with my brain, one way or the other.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Meh.
I think I have reached that point of this deployment (see graph in a previous post) where I've about just lost it and am over it and want it to be done. Now.
I'm soooo over it. We are just shy of 90 days out. In the home stretch! I should be rallying and pushing through with confidence. But, I feel like I'm crumbling. And it makes me feel like a crappy, lazy mom, and then the mommy guilt sets in, and it's this vicious cycle of tiredness and doubt.
Everyone keeps telling me it's time for Mini Sarge to go to hourly care a few hours a week, or to drop him off at someone's for a while and take some time for myself. I appreciate the thought, but I really don't think that's going to recharge my battery. I just need my other half here. I don't even really need help with the kid duties... I just want him home so I can have some adult conversation, and someone to give me a hug, and someone to sit and watch a movie with after Mini Sarge goes to sleep.
And, ya know, a trip to Target without kid and diaper bag in tow every once and a while. ;)
Bleh. I talked to Sarge about it last night a bit, but I got kinda upset. I can't even get out of bed in the morning before 8--he wakes up at 7 or so. And I feel bad that he's in there close to an hour every morning before I can peel myself off my pillow. I've tried and tried to get out of bed, but there is just no doing it. It's really strange, because for years, I used to get up between 3:30 and 4 am, jump out of bed, get ready, and go to work like it wasn't a big deal. Now, I can't even get up at 6 or 6:30 so I can get a workout in. How does that make sense?
And there are milestones he hasn't hit yet, that he probably should have already. And, for the most part, I know it's my fault for not working with him more (we don't point, clap, or wave yet. But he can put on his sunglasses, lol. That counts for something, right?).
I just feel so... lazy. I don't want to be a lazy mommy. :(
I'm soooo over it. We are just shy of 90 days out. In the home stretch! I should be rallying and pushing through with confidence. But, I feel like I'm crumbling. And it makes me feel like a crappy, lazy mom, and then the mommy guilt sets in, and it's this vicious cycle of tiredness and doubt.
Everyone keeps telling me it's time for Mini Sarge to go to hourly care a few hours a week, or to drop him off at someone's for a while and take some time for myself. I appreciate the thought, but I really don't think that's going to recharge my battery. I just need my other half here. I don't even really need help with the kid duties... I just want him home so I can have some adult conversation, and someone to give me a hug, and someone to sit and watch a movie with after Mini Sarge goes to sleep.
And, ya know, a trip to Target without kid and diaper bag in tow every once and a while. ;)
Bleh. I talked to Sarge about it last night a bit, but I got kinda upset. I can't even get out of bed in the morning before 8--he wakes up at 7 or so. And I feel bad that he's in there close to an hour every morning before I can peel myself off my pillow. I've tried and tried to get out of bed, but there is just no doing it. It's really strange, because for years, I used to get up between 3:30 and 4 am, jump out of bed, get ready, and go to work like it wasn't a big deal. Now, I can't even get up at 6 or 6:30 so I can get a workout in. How does that make sense?
And there are milestones he hasn't hit yet, that he probably should have already. And, for the most part, I know it's my fault for not working with him more (we don't point, clap, or wave yet. But he can put on his sunglasses, lol. That counts for something, right?).
I just feel so... lazy. I don't want to be a lazy mommy. :(
Saturday, July 2, 2011
I've been bit!
Baby bug, go AWAY.
Why is baby stuff so freaking cute?? I think it's designed to mess with my brain. I see it and go "aaaaaaaaaaaw! I WANT one!" XD
So many people are pregnant, or just had a baby. And sooo many of them are baby girls. I want a little girl so bad. I think it would be so much fun. :) And honestly, easier? I hear baby girls are easier, and then turn into lil drama queens later. I want an easy baby, lol. Mini Sarge was so, so difficult. And still is most days...
But I am in no way ready for a second baby yet. And I've put my foot down, that we won't start trying until our car is paid off. Because that will free up $450 a month (yeah, I know. Insane. But that's what happens when you trade in a car that you're upside down on. Live and learn!). So... another 2 or 3 years? That's about in the range I had originally decided on anyway. And it helps keep me in check. Otherwise, I'd have a case of the crazies and TTC #2 here shortly, ha.
And I pray that by the time that rolls around, Mini Sarge will be much easier to deal with. I really give props to the ladies that have their kids so close in age. I would go insane. Then again, maybe their babies are easy? Haha. I wonder if anyone with a high maintenance baby ever TTC their second super soon? That momma deserves some sort of reward.
Anyway. Just wanted to pop in and share my crazy thoughts. I hope everyone has a great 4th of July weekend! Stay safe, don't blow your fingers off, and please, please, please, no drinking and driving.
<3
Why is baby stuff so freaking cute?? I think it's designed to mess with my brain. I see it and go "aaaaaaaaaaaw! I WANT one!" XD
So many people are pregnant, or just had a baby. And sooo many of them are baby girls. I want a little girl so bad. I think it would be so much fun. :) And honestly, easier? I hear baby girls are easier, and then turn into lil drama queens later. I want an easy baby, lol. Mini Sarge was so, so difficult. And still is most days...
But I am in no way ready for a second baby yet. And I've put my foot down, that we won't start trying until our car is paid off. Because that will free up $450 a month (yeah, I know. Insane. But that's what happens when you trade in a car that you're upside down on. Live and learn!). So... another 2 or 3 years? That's about in the range I had originally decided on anyway. And it helps keep me in check. Otherwise, I'd have a case of the crazies and TTC #2 here shortly, ha.
And I pray that by the time that rolls around, Mini Sarge will be much easier to deal with. I really give props to the ladies that have their kids so close in age. I would go insane. Then again, maybe their babies are easy? Haha. I wonder if anyone with a high maintenance baby ever TTC their second super soon? That momma deserves some sort of reward.
Anyway. Just wanted to pop in and share my crazy thoughts. I hope everyone has a great 4th of July weekend! Stay safe, don't blow your fingers off, and please, please, please, no drinking and driving.
<3
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Goals
I've found myself often thinking lately about how boring I am. And while, for the most part, I don't care and am quite comfortable with the way things are, I also don't feel like I bring much to a conversation other than what my kid did this week. That part bothers me.
I mean really, who wants to talk to someone who talks about their kid all day? Granted, I'm not doing it because I think my kid is the best ever and everyone wants to hear about him (although I do think he's pretty awesome), it's because I just don't have anything else to talk about. And, it's not that I was some super well-read, opinionated, outspoken person before I had the baby and have "lost myself" as so many moms say. I was like this before, it just didn't matter as much. I had time to watch movies, hang out, and that worked.
I also have no problem being a stay-at-home mom and homemaker. There's nothing wrong with it. I enjoy it, for the most part. It's rewarding in a way that working isn't. Again, however, talking about the best way to remove x stain from y fabric, or what I'm making for dinner this week, is not very exciting or interesting.
So, I've been brainstorming about how to fix this, that don't necessarily involve me running all over town or going back to work. I'm not against working. I am against daycare raising my kid when it's not necessary. A job right now would only be to entertain me, not because we need the money.
The most I've come up with so far is to take up reading books, and to actually read the newspapers they drop off at my house that I didn't sign up for. A book club would be cool, but, I have a feeling I wouldn't be able to keep up with the rest of the group, and so it seems pretty pointless. However, if anyone wants to start a "we'll read it when we get to it" bookclub, lemme know. That could work! ;)
Part of my brain has seriously considered the working thing, even if it's a work from home thing. We're pretty fortunate that Sarge's job takes care of all our needs (wants, not so much, but all the needs, yes), so if I did this, I would love for it to be something that I LOVE to do. Figuring that part out... not so easy. I feel like I risk ruining something that I love to do because I have to do it. And it's also kind of hard to figure out what would be worth it as far as profit. Sure, I like to paint, but who knows if it would sell, ya know?
Blaaaah. So, new goal for myself: Be more interesting!
<3
I mean really, who wants to talk to someone who talks about their kid all day? Granted, I'm not doing it because I think my kid is the best ever and everyone wants to hear about him (although I do think he's pretty awesome), it's because I just don't have anything else to talk about. And, it's not that I was some super well-read, opinionated, outspoken person before I had the baby and have "lost myself" as so many moms say. I was like this before, it just didn't matter as much. I had time to watch movies, hang out, and that worked.
I also have no problem being a stay-at-home mom and homemaker. There's nothing wrong with it. I enjoy it, for the most part. It's rewarding in a way that working isn't. Again, however, talking about the best way to remove x stain from y fabric, or what I'm making for dinner this week, is not very exciting or interesting.
So, I've been brainstorming about how to fix this, that don't necessarily involve me running all over town or going back to work. I'm not against working. I am against daycare raising my kid when it's not necessary. A job right now would only be to entertain me, not because we need the money.
The most I've come up with so far is to take up reading books, and to actually read the newspapers they drop off at my house that I didn't sign up for. A book club would be cool, but, I have a feeling I wouldn't be able to keep up with the rest of the group, and so it seems pretty pointless. However, if anyone wants to start a "we'll read it when we get to it" bookclub, lemme know. That could work! ;)
Part of my brain has seriously considered the working thing, even if it's a work from home thing. We're pretty fortunate that Sarge's job takes care of all our needs (wants, not so much, but all the needs, yes), so if I did this, I would love for it to be something that I LOVE to do. Figuring that part out... not so easy. I feel like I risk ruining something that I love to do because I have to do it. And it's also kind of hard to figure out what would be worth it as far as profit. Sure, I like to paint, but who knows if it would sell, ya know?
Blaaaah. So, new goal for myself: Be more interesting!
<3
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Zzzz---beep
I need to bloooog. But, I really, don't have the energy to talk about anything semi-important--let alone anything that might actually be interesting. I'm so tired. Who knew a toddler was this exhausting, eh? Haha.
Life has gone back to the norm since Sarge left. Bedtime has been getting progressively later and later for Mini-Sarge. *twitch* I believe he is on the brink of going to a single nap during the day, and I really wish he'd hurry the heck up. I do not want to be dealing with him at 9pm for much longer. I am sooo ready for a 7-7:30 bedtime again. It seems by the time I get him to sleep, pick up the house, and get Sarge's email out, it's time for me to go to bed and start all over again. Where's the "me" time?
I guess the silver lining is that his naps are both at least an hour these days. So, I can manage -some- down time, so long as there isn't housework to be done. I did manage to watch a movie today. And almost the whole thing at once! Which, is quite the feat, if you were not aware. When you're a parent, the only time you're semi-assured to watch a movie in it's entirety is after the kids are in bed for the night. And even then, there is no real guarantee. I guess the only real way is if they're not home or you're out at the movies, ha.
We've been venturing out more now that Mini-Sarge can walk. He's a lot more fun when I don't have to carry him every where, haha. We went to the splash park the day before yesterday and he had a blast. Best part for me: it was free! And he wore himself out. Always a plus. :) I need to schedule more stuff like that in. I'm thinking once this weather clears, I'll set up my own little splash park in our backyard. It'll save me from having to move him from his carseat to his crib, too (a very delicate maneuver that fails 90% of the time XD).
Mommy brain is starting to sink in. I'm losing what little train of though I had. Time to go lay down and recharge. A better post soon... I hope. Shall see!
<3
Life has gone back to the norm since Sarge left. Bedtime has been getting progressively later and later for Mini-Sarge. *twitch* I believe he is on the brink of going to a single nap during the day, and I really wish he'd hurry the heck up. I do not want to be dealing with him at 9pm for much longer. I am sooo ready for a 7-7:30 bedtime again. It seems by the time I get him to sleep, pick up the house, and get Sarge's email out, it's time for me to go to bed and start all over again. Where's the "me" time?
I guess the silver lining is that his naps are both at least an hour these days. So, I can manage -some- down time, so long as there isn't housework to be done. I did manage to watch a movie today. And almost the whole thing at once! Which, is quite the feat, if you were not aware. When you're a parent, the only time you're semi-assured to watch a movie in it's entirety is after the kids are in bed for the night. And even then, there is no real guarantee. I guess the only real way is if they're not home or you're out at the movies, ha.
We've been venturing out more now that Mini-Sarge can walk. He's a lot more fun when I don't have to carry him every where, haha. We went to the splash park the day before yesterday and he had a blast. Best part for me: it was free! And he wore himself out. Always a plus. :) I need to schedule more stuff like that in. I'm thinking once this weather clears, I'll set up my own little splash park in our backyard. It'll save me from having to move him from his carseat to his crib, too (a very delicate maneuver that fails 90% of the time XD).
Mommy brain is starting to sink in. I'm losing what little train of though I had. Time to go lay down and recharge. A better post soon... I hope. Shall see!
<3
Saturday, June 11, 2011
I'm Leeeaving, on a Jet Plane
Don't know when I'll be back again...
Except, that I do know when. Ha.
Ah, le sigh. R&R is over and we are back to being a sporting two-some rather than our complete three-some. Only about 4.5-5 months left though, so it's not so bad.
This was probably the best of all the R&Rs we've shared together. It felt like it lasted a lot longer, which I attribute to not traveling. Everyone says that if you stay home, it flies by. But after doing both, I think it seems to last longer if you do not spend a week+ traveling around. And, it's a lot less stressful. Vacations, for me at least, always seem to be more stressful than they are fun.
We got a lot of things done while Sarge was here. His mother and grandmother were here for Mini Sarge's birthday, so we still got to see some family, even without the 8-9 hour drive, haha.Sarge managed to tackle everything on my "honey-do list" (that he asked me to make, btw!) First, included building me a bench for our back porch. Which, he had to do in two days, lol.
And here is a picture of the three of us together. One big happy family. Can't wait to be together again. :)
Except, that I do know when. Ha.
Ah, le sigh. R&R is over and we are back to being a sporting two-some rather than our complete three-some. Only about 4.5-5 months left though, so it's not so bad.
This was probably the best of all the R&Rs we've shared together. It felt like it lasted a lot longer, which I attribute to not traveling. Everyone says that if you stay home, it flies by. But after doing both, I think it seems to last longer if you do not spend a week+ traveling around. And, it's a lot less stressful. Vacations, for me at least, always seem to be more stressful than they are fun.
We got a lot of things done while Sarge was here. His mother and grandmother were here for Mini Sarge's birthday, so we still got to see some family, even without the 8-9 hour drive, haha.Sarge managed to tackle everything on my "honey-do list" (that he asked me to make, btw!) First, included building me a bench for our back porch. Which, he had to do in two days, lol.
We also bought a new grill, and he assembled the fire pit I bought him (seen above if you look hard enough). He got the trees out front pruned before the party, too--they desperately needed it. They are no longer attacking the siding and gutters of our house.
The big thing while he was here was Mini-Sarge's birthday party. I had a blast planning it, and I was glad that every one had fun. Here is a cake picture. Lil man didn't take very long to destroy that thing.
Here is our big gift! I was going to rent a bounce house for his party, but soon realized that I might as well buy him one instead. He can enjoy this for years to come!
Another thing I had Sarge do was build a splash table. All Mini Sarge wants to do in his pool anymore is splash, so why not give him something specifically for that, right? It's a lot safer, too. I was on panic mode for a while with the pool. He about fell in every time he leaned over to splash. And this cost us $10. They sell at the store for $40-70. He doesn't need all the toys on those, he just wants to splash, lol. This works great!
We did do a little traveling. One day, we decided to go to the zoo. It wasn't a long visit. I think we were only there for about an hour or so before we entered melt-down mode and had to leave. This is about the time where I think Sarge started to realize what I've been trying to tell him for months: Mini Sarge is not an easy going baby. Ha. In fact, after this visit, and the night before when we tried to go to dinner, and I ended up pacing the restaurant the whole hour (after a bowl of soup was poured in my lap, too!) while everyone else ate, Sarge threw out all the plans he had to do stuff and decided we'd just stay home and keep him happy.
The biggest news while daddy was home is that we started walking! Two days after his birthday, lil man finally let go of my hand and took off. It's only been about a week since then, and he is a pro!
And here is a picture of the three of us together. One big happy family. Can't wait to be together again. :)
XOXO
--Vchanny
Sunday, May 22, 2011
The Waiting Game
We're days away from making that most exciting trip down to the airport, and I am beyond excited. But the waiting is killing me. There's already been three cancelled flights, and we don't know what's going on or when he'll be able to get on a plane. Hurry up and wait!
I can see why last deployment he kept it a secret and just called me from ATL two hours before I needed to be at the airport, lol. Part of me wishes he could do that again, but it's just not possible with Mini Sarge. I can't get everything ready that fast and get out the door.
I scurried to get the house ready two days ago, thinking that maybe that first flight was going to happen, but I should have known better, ha. That's the super-planner in me. I will say, my disappointment wasn't too great. I know better, when dealing with the Army, not to get my hopes up.
So, please, dear Air Force, get your planes together and get my husband home soon. Because I'm going crazy waiting!
Kiss kiss,
Vchanny
I can see why last deployment he kept it a secret and just called me from ATL two hours before I needed to be at the airport, lol. Part of me wishes he could do that again, but it's just not possible with Mini Sarge. I can't get everything ready that fast and get out the door.
I scurried to get the house ready two days ago, thinking that maybe that first flight was going to happen, but I should have known better, ha. That's the super-planner in me. I will say, my disappointment wasn't too great. I know better, when dealing with the Army, not to get my hopes up.
So, please, dear Air Force, get your planes together and get my husband home soon. Because I'm going crazy waiting!
Kiss kiss,
Vchanny
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