Qargh!

I am getting SO impatient.


That's all. 
<3

Since When Did I Stop Being Afraid...

Of tornadoes? Seriously. I never realized how carefree I am about them. 
What's that? Tornado sirens? Eh. I'm just going to lay in bed, go back to sleep.


Wtf kind of attitude is that?? When we first moved here back in 97', I remember running to the hallway with mattresses and pillows every time there was a warning out. Which, living in this area, means most of April-June you're in the hallway with your head covered. 


Maybe it's just the fact that I've never once been in a scary situation. No trees have ever fallen on my house. I've never seen a tornado. The worst that has ever happened is my grill or patio set got turned over. 


Having a baby now, and realizing how indifferent I am to these warnings, kinda scares me a little. Am I being too careless? Should I get him out of bed at 1 am to huddle in the hallway for something that's probably not going to affect us? Am I being an irresponsible adult? I would feel absolutely terrible if something happened and I didn't bother to get up and get him. But I feel crazy jumping to conclusions and freaking out every time one of these warnings hits.


I do, most of the time, turn on the weather to see if there is an actual touchdown. I would hide for a touchdown. 


Maybe it's normal to become desensitized to these things. Or maybe it's just my personality?


I hope everyone stays safe during this weather and impending flooding. Until next time!
<3

Chocolate Bunny Time!

So, I'm not a believer. I'm just not, much to the woes of people around me. I love you guys, it's just not me. I choose to sit on the fence on this one and claim Agnosticism. 


I grew up in a house where my parents didn't really want to force us to sit in church every Sunday, like their parents did. Partially I think, because you can't show up high. Ha, but, uh, they also never never mentioned anything at all about religion or Jesus or God. There was no dialog, no "here's a Bible. Read it." I mean, what were they thinking? We'll never talk about Christianity, but I'm sure our kids will turn out to be one anyway.
I'm actually kind of thankful they didn't though. It's allowed me to make my own opinions on the matter without being brainwashed at an early age--Call it what you want, young children are VERY impressionable, and will do whatever you want, and strive to be like their parents. What's actually kind of funny, is that Sarge grew up in a house where they were literally every religion you could think of. His dad was trying to find his place in the grand scheme of things, and dragged the family along. But, somehow, we both, although brought up very differently, have the same views today. I think it's interesting. And I know plenty of people who were brought up a certain way, and ended up questioning their beliefs later on. That makes me think that religion should be a personal choice, not something that is decided for you at an early age. (I will say, for every person I know who has struggled, there are plenty more who haven't and are strong in their faith. That's awesome!)
But, here's the thing: while I may not be into the religion thing, I am always respectful of other people's views. And I really can't stand it when I see people being rude or making stupid jokes about someone's faith--no matter what faith they are. Just because I can't wrap my head around it doesn't make me feel like I have the right to make these sort of jokes. And yeah, I laugh at the Family Guy jokes, and Sarge did this off a Chuck Norris joke I send him, and I thought it was funny.

But, I'm not going around and being down right disrespectful. It doesn't make me feel better. I really just don't see the point.

Anyway, Happy Easter to everyone! I hope you get to spend some good quality time with family and loved ones. I think Mini-Sarge and I are going to my sister-in-law's house tonight, but we'll see. As of yesterday, she was not doing anything for a few days, ha, so I'll have to call and see. Until next time!

<3

Ew, Jealousy

Do you remember the little graph I posted a post or two back? Remember, how at the top of the curve, was where I said the frustration/anger were at their peak? Yeah, that's where we are right now. Well, a few days shy, but, who the fsk is counting anymore?


AUGH!


What really makes is worse, and what actually ends up annoying me more because it makes it worse, is that everyone I know's husband is coming home this month. >.>
Now, the rational part of my brain realizes that their husbands left 6-7 months before mine did, so, uh yeah they're coming home now. However... the other part of my brain, the crazy part filled with those uncontrollable human emotions, says "WTF? When is it MY turn? Why isn't MY husband home?" Jealousy is so evil.


I hate, hate, HATE that I don't have any control over that feeling. It doesn't matter how rational I am, this is the point of deployment where crazy-brain takes over and I get pissy when I see homecoming banners, ha. It's awful, and it makes me feel like a jerk. And, I know, deep down, that I shouldn't be hating on people just because we were part of a different rotation. Hell, if he was coming home now, he would have missed our son being born, and that would have been really bad. I am so, so happy for all the families getting reunited. I just... am having a problem continuing to be patient.


I take pride in having a good deal of control over my emotions. I handle all of this relatively better than most people (not me bragging on myself, I hear it all the time.). So, when this, this crazy I-miss-him-boo-that-your-husband-is-home thing starts to go through my head, it really gets on my nerves. We all do our time. No separation is any worse than another. No one's longing for the simple touch, smell, sight or voice of their spouse is any worse than the next person. So why do these stupid feelings emerge? 
Seriously, I saw earlier today, that a friend of mine's husband was about to land, and I got that anxious feeling, where like, your heart races a little, like, maybe you just ran into someone who you haven't seen in a while and didn't really want to run into and you get kinda panicy. It was like, wtf is this?


I contribute the lack of control to the anticipation of R&R, realizing he's already been gone six months--even though it feels like an eternity, and just human nature in general. I think we can only hold back our feelings for so long. Doesn't matter how much you ignore them. It's a beautiful coping mechanism, mind you, but it does have it's flaws. Eventually, you will break, and it probably won't be pretty.


<3

The Spoiled Wife

Yup, I'm spoiled. 


Now, I've been doing this Army wife thing for a while now, and Army girlfriend a while before that. And I've suffered through my fair share of deployments (in fact, too many if you ask me. This is my third, and his fourth). But we have been very fortunate: Sarge has always had internet in his room, and never, ever, leaves the wire, unless it is for a short trip and is usually by air. I remember last deployment, his words to calm me down when they were getting ready to take a trip, "When's the last time you heard of a Colonel's helo getting shot down?" He was right, and it silenced my fears and I went about my day, waiting to hear from him again--which wasn't long, because he had access to phones because of who he was with. Spoiled much?


However, he is not working with the same group. And this whole traveling by convoy thing freaks me out. I know people do it every day. But I don't care, because he doesn't do it every day.


Today, I imagine, I have the same fears most other wives deal with on a daily basis. I almost feel put in my place. While I always worry, I have never had to seriously worry. You always have this unsquashable fear in the back of your head when you husband, no matter what his job is, boards a plane to leave off for war. But being that Sarge does not have a combat related job, I've never really had to worry. The longest we've gone without contact is a day or two. (Again, spoiled much? I know women who go a week or so at a time without so much as an email or 5 minute phone call, and I get irritated when he doesn't write me back. I'm such a princess.)


I don't like that he isn't in the safety of the base. I hate that for some reason they could fly out, but couldn't obtain a flight back. I hate that I can't talk to him. I've live, yes, but my thoughts keep wandering to what they're doing, where they're at, what the road is like, are there a lot of people and villages, or are they just driving along a dark road through the mountains? Did they get a chance to stop and eat? Is there a FOB that they get to stop at, or are they camping out in the middle of no where?


I know he's fine. I trust that the people he is with know what they're doing, and they would all have each other's backs. I just, don't like it. I don't like the uncertainty of it all.


Iraq was a different thing from the 'Stan. He was stationed at a tiny little FOB, and never left the wire, but it was more dangerous. He would stop in the middle of our messenger conversation, tell me he'd be right back with no explanation, and come back some 10-20 minutes later. When I asked what had happened, he would say "oh, we just took some mortars," and would continue on like nothing at all had happened. Whuck? I guess that's what happens when you're on your second tour, and that kind of thing happens almost daily. At the time, it scared me to death. I couldn't fathom just brushing off something like that, but he did.


I guess what it all boils down to is, that my hat is off to all the ladies who deal with this on a daily basis--I do not think that I could deal with it. I deal with deployments well, but it is solely because I do not have to worry, and I do hear from my husband often. I would never say that I have it as hard as someone whose significant other was in harm's way on a daily basis. I openly admit that Sarge and I have it pretty easy as far as that goes.
The women who truely hang onto their phones for dear life, waiting for a phone call. And keep their computer nearby at all times just in case. This spoiled little wife is amazed at your courage and strength. Hooah!

Hello, April!

Bring on them showers!
Because I'm lazy and can't remember to water the plants I just spent $100 on. XD Ah, and it is also helpful in keeping the grass hydrated, so that I don't need to bother with it, either.

I don't have any pictures of the back just yet. It wasn't complete when I took these (Mini Sarge decided that mommy couldn't finish while he was awake, so I finished the backyard in the dark, ha), and yesterday it was raining when I was in the picture snapping mood.

I did manage to salvage the hastas that our dog and the dog I watched for two weeks in December managed to dig up/trample. I hope they make it. :) Because, I'm not doing anymore gardening beyond the occasional weed pulling, haha.

We are about 2 weeks from the official mid-deployment mark. I can't wait to be on the other side of that curve. I imagine, if I had to illustrate, it might look something like this (hopefully you can click and see. If not, I will work on something!):

The good news, we are less than 8 weeks out from R&R. Which, unfortunately, is about a month sooner than we normally do it, which has it's purpose believe it or not, but oh well. I'd rather him be home for his son's birthday. And July is just too damn hot to be traveling around in. 

Anyway, I've been keeping busy. I tackled gardening a week or two before I had planned, but it was eating at me. ^^ And, I want my yard to look nice, specifically nicer than my neighbors'. Haha. Soon, I will be getting that damn dress altered. Rant about how much harder it is to be doing this crap alone with a kid and how people really just don't understand for another time, but I promise it's coming. ;) I hope it's a doosey.

I've been working on birthday crafts. When I finish the next set, I'll post pictures of the completed collection. I've about finished gathering supplies, too, so that's nice.

Um, still waiting to deep clean the house. But I have been Googling ways to make certain tasks easier, such as dusting these stupid blinds! When I have my own home, that I'm not renting, I am going to spend the extra money to install the ones that are -in- the glass. I shall never have to dust another set again. Nor worry about the cats or dog destroying them (they have formed a little peep hole in the set in my front bedroom. I will post photographic evidence at a later date), or children choking themselves with them... 

Cars are still on the waiting list. Waaaay too much pollen right now to even  bother washing them, and it's way too windy/rainy to try to vacuum out the interior. I've got time, though. And possibly a neighborhood child to pay to do so, haha.


May the next few weeks pass quickly!
<3